Feeling a tiny bit overwhelmed...

So, earlier today if you had asked me if I knew what I wanted to happen during Peanut's birth, I would've been able to give you a definite 100% answer. Now, I have realized there is so much more that I need to consider. Luckily, I'm starting at 6 weeks to figure out a birth plan instead of waiting for the very last second. I also have a super amazing lady who I'm going to ask to be my doula to help me figure these things out. Yes, Rochelle, I'm talkin bout you sister!

First off, why a doula? Well, for those of you who don't know, Rochelle is SUPER passionate in all things birth. She's also super knowledgeable, and she's not afraid to do exactly what a doula does : ADVOCATE for her client (in this case, me). If I say I don't want any pain meds and there's no medical reason for me to have them, she's going to get in that pill pusher's face and tell him/her to back the H off. Then if I start screaming for the drugs, she's going to drag that pill pusher into my room kicking and screaming. ;) Yes, John can do this too, but really, I don't want John leaving my side through this whole thing. I think it would be super great to have 2 amazing coaches, John and Rochelle, and then everyone else who comes to see me too. Rochelle also knows all about natural childbirth. I mean, the woman is a walking encyclopedia of birth. She's going to be able to show John how to touch and hold me, and together they can help me get into positions that will facilitate labor while decreasing pain. Rochelle and John are gonna be the 2 who know my birth plan in and out, and neither one of them will be scared to say "Hey. This is how we're doing it if there's no real medical need to do it a different way."

So I was reading one of Rochelle's links today on facebook about birth plans, and thought "oh my geez, I never thought to look at a sample birth plan online..." Sooooo I did. Wow. I have a LOT of stuff to work through and figure out. First thing I'm going to have to do is come up with questions and scenarios to take to the hospital to talk to an actual Labor and Delivery nurse who can answer me. For instance, I do NOT want my child to be out of my room unless there is a medical need. I want to be able to warm my child skin on skin instead of Peanut laying under a heat lamp without anyone holding him/her. If my child needs to go to the nursery, I want John to be glued to that baby's side so he can step in and say "nuh uh, don't you give that baby a bottle or I will sue you from here until the next century" or give consent for things like the standard blood tests, etc. I know for sure I have 2 other BIG questions for the hospital. If they give me answers I really, really don't like, it's almost a guarantee I will at least be checking out different hospitals around. A home birth honestly terrifies me, but if it comes down to it that that's the only way I'm going to get anywhere near the experience I'm looking for, it may happen. I'm not one of those "throw her on her back and tell her to shut up" kind of people. No. Effing. Way.

So I started a birth plan. Well, I have a "I clicked these boxes and this is what I got" birth plan. Hey, I had to start somewhere. Having a general idea of where to start, I can start formulating questions to give to my doctor tomorrow at my very first prenatal appointment AND ultrasound (yay!!!!!). And you know, if he's not willing to work with me, then I'm not willing to work with him, plain and simple.

Writing about how overwhelming formulating a birth plan feels right now helps me say "yeah. Alright. Not so bad. I can do this!" I felt so passionate about my sister's birth and everything I absolutely hated about it. I was told then "well, it's just how things work. You kinda have to do it. You don't have a choice." B. S. I'm 2 years older now and KNOW better. Just because no one took the time to ask her doesn't mean I won't make someone make the time for me.

Another super passionate post about my pregnancy here in Shandiland! I swear, they won't all be about Peanut, but it's kind of hard not to talk about the little critter in my belly. :)

Controversy, how lovely art thou!

Side note before we get started... I was SUPER rude to someone today. I would feel bad if this person weren't who she was. Look, I know you're pregnant also. I know you're due around the same time I am. However, I really don't like you and think you're batshit crazy. Also, I've been dealing with a cold and morning sickness and being SUPER EFFING TIRED too, but that doesn't stop me from showing my butt up to take care of responsibilities. And I don't go from "oh, woe is me, I feel so shitty" to "OMG WE'RE PREGNANT TOGETHER! WE'RE GONNA BE PREGNANT BUDDIES AND OUR KIDS ARE GONNA PLAY TOGETHER AND ON AND ON AND BLAH BLAH BLAH FREAKING BLAH!" in less than 10 minutes. It just doesn't work. That just screams BIPOLAR to me. Just saying... So yes, I was rude. I rudely stated "Yeah. I know." and COMPLETELY turned around with my back to her. Why am I talking about this? Well. I suppose letting it out there that yeah, it happened, will save me from some random Karma later. Like super bad morning sickness tomorrow or something... (Can you tell I'm not very tolerant of bullshit, especially in my very hormonal state?)


On to some controversy!!

Please tell me why this image is considered "acceptable" in our society? Yeah, I get it. She has a nice body, even with the fake books and the complete and definite camel toe. We go to the beach, to the pool, and sometimes, even to WalMart and are greeted with people wearing things like this, often with MUCH worse bodies. 

However, these images are considered OBSCENE. 

Why is it that it's ok for someone to literally show off EVERY SINGLE THING, but it's not ok to COMPLETELY cover and feed your child? These women have bodies similar to that of the woman in the bikini, yet if they were in public doing the most natural thing a mother can do for her child next to giving birth, they will be looked down upon, talked about, and people will try to shelter their eyes from such obscenities. It's perfectly fine for even a 400 pound woman to show off tons of skin in inappropriate clothing, but a woman feeding her child? How horrible it is! You literally can't see a single thing with either of these women. You just, can't. Is it the thought of a baby on a boob that pisses people off so much? Do we really sexualize breasts so much that we can't even allow ourselves to think about a baby touching them? I mean, after all, we came with boobs to feed the babies. That's why they grow to make room for the milk, make the milk, and excrete the milk. It's also why a mother's milk is the absolute best thing an infant can have. Breast milk provides the baby with amazing nutrients that no powdered formula can even come close to, provides the mother with an AMAZING calorie burner, gives the baby mom's immunities which are better than vaccines (not that I'm dissing vaccines, just throwing you can't give anyone anything synthetic that comes close to breast milk), and helps mom in the long run by reducing her risk of breast cancer. Studies have also shown breast milk has been linked to higher intelligence and less childhood obesity


Why is this such a touchy topic for me? Well, I plan on giving my baby the boob. I want my child and myself to take FULL advantage of what my body is naturally made to do. I know this means it's gonna be a little more difficult for other people to feed the baby, but there are these awesome things called breast pumps made for milking mom. I fully plan on utilizing all resources available to help me feed my child the absolute breast (ha ha, get it?) thing I can.


Now that I've said this, I want you all to know I want nothing but support in this journey! I don't want to be told how horrible it is or how much it's going to hurt or "Oh, Shandi... People are gonna look at you so weird." I know they will. I don't care. In the end, I know my child will have the best possible start I can give him/her because I am cool with the boob. I can handle the "bad press", as long as my child gets what he/she needs. I want everyone else to be cool with my boobs too, because I'm sure at one point or another if you're around when the baby is hungry, you'll probably see a nipple. Oh noes... Let's all jump off a cliff because someone saw a nip slip!

Blog Award!

First off, I'd like to say thanks to Rochelle over at Simply Rochelle for the blog award!

Here are the rules for the acceptance of the award:
1. Thank and link back to the person who awarded you the award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Award 15 other bloggers.
4. Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award.

Rule number 1, check. Here goes Rule number 2.

1) I'm 25 and in nursing school. Its rough at times, but I love it. I love the people I see every day (well, most of them anyway), and I love knowing I'm going to be helping people. It makes me very, very happy.

2) I'm currently pregnant. I literally found out just over a week ago. I'm excited, and super nervous. My boobs already hurt like a bitch, and morning sickness sucks but isn't as bad as I expected.

3) This is my second pregnancy. Last summer, my husband and I had our very first pregnancy. However, it wasn't so great. I went to the doctor because I had been on my period for 4 weeks and was having a lot of pain. I had taken a test before my period started, and it was negative. I was tired and SUPER cranky. So the doctor decides to test me for a UTI. On a hunch, she did a pregnancy test along with it. Well, it was positive. Not a good sign that I had been bleeding for 4 weeks....  My sister and I left there and went straight to the hospital where my husband met us. We had blood drawn and an ultrasound. The ultrasound tech was incredibly rude and unimaginably rough with my already tender vagina, uterus, and ovaries. She then proceeded to tell me that there was no baby, and I shouldn't waste her time. I called my doctor immediately. From what I understand, that tech no longer works there... This all went down on a Friday. On Sunday, I had blood drawn again. My HcG levels didn't double. In fact, they only raised by 3 points from 146 to 149. I'll never forget how completely devastated I felt. Monday morning I had more blood drawn, and Monday afternoon found me at an Oncology office to receive a shot of methotrexate to terminate the pregnancy.

4) I have 4 dogs and a cat. I love them all very much, and they are children to me. Some people don't get it. That's fine... I just love them all and couldn't imagine not being with them. Pets are throwaway items to have when they're all cute and little and not watch them grow up into amazing adults. My Sweetie will be 6 this year, and she is an amazing dog. I know she's going to be a TON of help when the Peanut gets here! Sophie, Bella, and Duchess will all probably be extremely jealous, but it's expected. Dude aka Homie is all chill, and my biggest issue with him will be keeping him out of the crib. :)

5) My husband and I were married August 28, 2008, in the front part of BSC-Net in Jonesboro, Arkansas. We totally and completely eloped. My mom was there with us with a cake and a rose, and we went to Chili's to celebrate after. I would've liked the whole wedding, reception, and amazing honeymoon, but money was an issue for us at that time. We may have a vow renewal in a few years where we do all of that. We'll see. ;)

6) I grew up in a super small town that earns funny looks and giggles when I spout of the name of it. Yes, yes. I know. I laugh too. I grew up in Weiner, Arkansas. Yes. Weiner. Wee-ner. Laughing feels so great!

7) I'm a nerd. I play Dungeons and Dragons with a group of friends. Yes, the actual we have our paper and roll the dice while we're all sitting around in a group with books and stuff version. Not the online, play on your computer version. I also play World of Warcraft. I've met some super interesting people from WoW. 

Awarding other bloggers... That's hard. Mostly because I don't really know many other bloggers... So I have 1, since Rochelle already gave me an award. :)

Brooke over at Brookenomicon. She's an awesome lady who writes about writing!

Well well well... We have a Peanut.

I'm pregnant!!! Yeah man, I'm super stoked too! John and I have a little Peanut coming along. Remember that post oh... 2.5 weeks ago when I talked about the whole "I want a baby" thing smacking me out of nowhere? Well. We made a baby that very night. Go us and our tiny human making skills. I'm soooo happy!

Nursing school started back last week. I can tell you already I am not cut out to be a wound care nurse. Maybe it's the pregnancy and the nausea anyway, but seeing those pictures just makes me sad and even more nauseated. Especially some of those.... Especially considering some of those are there simply because someone didn't take care of that person. As in, didn't turn the patient or didn't inspect. It makes me sad. I do, however, LOVE my teacher this semester. She is a rockstar, and I'm taking craptons of notes! She's also super nice outside of class and is willing to help 100%.

I'm staying soooo tired these days. I don't expect it to get better in the days to come, but that explains why I haven't been updating lately. I'll try to keep it more updated than I have, buttttttttt I can't promise. I'm still into this whole blog thing though. I do expect to be talking about Peanut a lot from here on out though. It kinda happens, I suppose.

So, last summer John and I made a baby, but that baby didn't want to hang out in my uterus. Since that happened, I'm now at a higher risk of having another ectopic pregnancy. For those who don't know, an ectopic pregnancy, as defined by Google Health, is : an ectopic pregnancy occurs when the baby starts to develop outside the womb (uterus). The most common site for an ectopic pregnancy is within one of the tubes through which the egg passes from the ovary to the uterus (fallopian tube). However, in rare cases, ectopic pregnancies can occur in the ovary, stomach area, or cervix. We don't know where mine was. We couldn't find it on the ultrasound, so we did the methotrexate treatment to avoid surgery. We knew it was ectopic because my HcG levels didn't double in the 48 hours like they should have.

What does this mean for now? Lots of blood draws. I had my blood taken Friday and then again today to have the HcG levels measured. Guess what! They doubled!!! Yay!!! Good signs!!! I have to repeat the blood draws on Tuesday and Thursday, then have an ultrasound early next week to confirm Peanut is indeed in my warm, comfy uterus.

That's it for this Adventure in Shandiland. I'll definitely keep ya'll updated on the Peanut!

Here we go Friday!

I'm not back to school until the 18th. I don't have a Monday through Friday job. I have no big plans for the weekend. So, why is it I wake up on Friday morning smiling and singing "it's FRIDAY"? I'm not exactly sure, but I have a suspicion.

I think we are all sooooo programmed starting with elementary school to revel in the pure awesomeness that is Friday. I mean, what's a better way to end a school week than celebrate with 2 whole days without regime, school clothes, school lunches, and sometimes even shoes? Yeah. At 5 years old, the answer to that question is those 2 whole days eating nothing but pure sugar. Ah, the simple bliss that came with being a child. Sometimes, I miss it.

At times, responsibility sucks. It causes stress, unhappiness, and can wreak pure havoc. We all know too much of those three things can totally screw up even the best person's world. However, on the flip side of that, responsibility can be an amazing thing. Standing up for what you believe in can be one of the most rewarding things in the world. Another spectacular thing about being an adult is being able to eat that entire gallon of Whole Hog's potato salad (which rocks, btw) with no parents nagging you and telling you that you can't. Oh... That can be an amazing thing.

As far as amazing things go.. I can not WAIT for next Wednesday night celebrating Grubbsy's birthday. Ohhhhh Johnny Carino's... I'm not going to be on a diet that day, fyi. I'm doing the Homer Simpson /drool thing right now just thinking about it. The chicken marsala is my absolute favorite Italian dish everrrrrrr. Yummmmmmmmm. Also, just as a little tid bit.. I love bread pudding. I think it's about time for me to learn how to make it, and make it GREAT. And good for you. :p

Speaking of good for you and diets... I've consumed approximately 1243 calories today. For some reason, I don't feel like I'm eating enough... I mean, I know if you eat too much or too little, you won't lose weight. Just a thought though...............................

And. Here we go again... Another thought and yeah, oh another one too. This is Shandi, btw. I go from one thing to another to another and sometimes I have to completely stop and rewind and retrace my steps. Also, sorry for that little pause. I got distracted by this amazing looking food on Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives. Yes, the restaurant is called The Shanty. I want to go. I really, really wanna go. /drool. OK, where was I? Oh, yeah. That's right. The thoughts go from bam to bam to WTF to uh... How did I get here? And now you all see that it's perfectly normal for me to bring up the absolute most RANDOM thing that makes you say "wha.. I.. (shake head) What?" Yeah baby. All me. ;)

Back to that other thought. I forgot it... Lemme think... (God this food looks amazing.) Oh, that's because it was about food. Which is yum. Wait... Went back either not far enough or too far... Lemme think again.... Yeah. Lost it. Oh, it WAS about food. So, I'm of the opinion that it's totally fine to consume more of something as long as you keep it in check. I'm also of the opinion that fruits and vegetables (I mean, RAW. Pure. Unadulterated. Untainted by fat, grease, and sugar) should be "freebies" in any diet. I think I should be able to eat all the celery sticks and broccoli and sweet peas (ok, maybe they are steamed. ;) ) and apples (yum) and oranges and whatever that I want without feeling the guilt train. I also think I need a juicer, a good one, because I love love love pure just squeezed juice. And not just fruits. Tomato with carrot and apples and pomegranate is yummmmm. Plus, you don't get all that added sugar and preservatives and SODIUM. Yeah baby, everything has GOD AWFUL amounts of sodium in it.

You know, speaking of sugar... Yogurt. I'm sorry. I know it should be pure and yeah, but I can not handle low sugar or no sugar yogurt. Bleh. I love me some yogurt, too. Refrigerated... Frozen... It's just yum. Those Yoplait Lights are YUM! However. I tried the organic greek yogurt... My dogs loved it. Even the kind with the honey in it I just couldn't. No. I made a face similar to Aleigha's, Anna's, Abby's, and Jayci's when mom gave them a taste of baking cocoa. Which... I should've have my camera. Holy bajeezus, that was funnier than watching Anna and Abby play Twister, which was pretty great also. However, I nearly DIED of hyperventilation seeing the "this shit is NASTY" looks on their faces after tasting that cocoa.

Mom did that to Krysti, Shayla, and I once. Shaybaby was a wee little lass, and we were making her birthday cake cuz mom's uber cool like that. Of course, when you're 8, you understand that the finished product tastes YUM. You don't understand that the individual items taste like shit, and it's the magic of the mix that makes it taste great. So we begged to try every single ingredient. Mom obliged. She let us taste everything. We got to the cocoa, which was one of the very last things she was putting in. Lol. Silly mom. She gave Krysti and I an entire big spoonful of cocoa each. What did I do? I puked. Yeah. Not only did I puke, I puked into the cake batter and all over the cake pan. Lol. We still laugh about that story.

Speaking of stories, I've written a good chapter or two of a book tonight on this blog... Lol, I gotta stop or I'm going to run out of things to write about! I kid; I'm sure I will ALWAYS have SOMETHING to say hahahaha!

Goodnight my lovelies! Hope you enjoyed spending time in Shandiland this evening! *MUAH*

Well.... Back to the NEW. ;)

Today has been a thing of NEW. Again. ;)

First off, I finished the book Awakened by PC Cast. Holy shit. Love it. Love the series. November is a long ass time away.

McSteamy without a shirt. Yummmmmmmmm.

Savannah saved my stuff at the gym. I apparently mixed up the locker number that they assigned me... So my stuff was in the wrong locker and they had a sign on it saying they were going to cut my lock. Well, I got it all sorted out so that's great.

Tonight, I sat down and had a chat with someone on Facebook. This someone spent a good deal of time in my life when I was in a bad place, and I like to think she's part of the reason I made it for so long before trying to do the unthinkable thing I did. However, we got too close and I got scared. So I ran.... I ran away from our friendship. I know, I know. It's horrible. Absolutely horrible. I wasn't in a good place. But, 3 years later, I've grown up enough to be able to admit that it was me. I admit that it was a stupid and horrible thing to do. So, tonight. We talked. We giggled. And we made up. I feel amazing. We decided to start over with our friendship. Super thrilled. Seriously. Words can't express. /happydance!

Also, ya'll send some good words to Brooke. She's all worried about this medicine she has to take that's gonna make her feel like a whole new person! I know it's scary darling, but I swear. Once you and the doctors get the medicine thing figured out, you will NOT regret it! I promise things will be better sweetheart! Also, movies this weekend? I think, YES!

And some things are not so new...

First off, I have spent the majority of the day thinking "It's Thursday!" only to have my hopes and dreams of seeing McSteamy grace my TV with his presence tonight shattered. Damn you, Wednesday. I'll be happier with you next week when Off The Map starts, but for now... Damn you, Wednesday. You disappoint me.

(removed about 20 minutes worth of rambling then had a "discussion" with my husband for another 40)

Damn boys and damn hormones. Being a woman drives me batshit crazy sometimes. If I could keep the boobs and go without the estrogen and periods, I'd like to think I'd be so much happier. Oh, and let's not forget the "I want a baby" phenomenon. That one sneaks up and slaps you dead in the face when you're not expecting it... Especially considering I've just spent the last, what, month? telling a friend NO BABIES! WE'RE IN NURSING SCHOOL YOU CRAZY LADY! What an effing hypocrite I have become. Damn hormones.

I said goodbye to grease today... I ate my favorite comfort food, and, oddly enough, it wasn't that comforting or satisfying... Can't say that's a bad thing, so you know. I refuse to buy any vegetable or canola oil ever again. Olive oil for cooking, but we all know deep frying in olive oil is just gross. (Or, I like to keep it in my head that it is so I'll never try it on the off chance that it's actually good.) I weighed in this morning at 248 pounds. Yes. I said it. Two hundred forty eight pounds. 112.7 kg. Heavy. Gotta do something. Have a plan. Gonna do it. It's gonna rock.

Also! Monday is going to ROCK! Savannah is organizing a clean up in Cincinnati, Arkansas, after the tornado that struck New Year's Eve. The damage is devastating, but people need to go help this community get started over after such a horrible disaster. The quicker we can help them get back on their feet, the quicker they can get over the heartbreak and let the healing begin.

I suppose that's enough for Wednesday... I wonder what Thursday will bring in Shandiland. ;)

New Year, New goals, New life.

It's that time of the year... The time when we all make resolutions, set new goals for ourselves and our lives, and do a little "spring cleaning" from our lives. It seems the tradition to end one year completely trashed, start with a kiss at midnight, and wake up in the new year swearing off all the bad and horrible things we do and starting over. Well, it didn't happen QUITE like that for me...

I spent New Year's Eve in the hospital having surgery on my deviated septum. I suppose if you're going to have surgery before your deductible resets, New Year's Eve is the best time to do it. I spent the evening afterward taking pain medications, playing World of Warcraft, and enduring the random bouts of narcolepsy brought on by the pain medications. I also looked pretty awful with a bandage under my nose and a few nosebleeds, so the kiss at midnight was out. I don't remember much of the past few days, except that it hurt and pain medicine is goooooood, so the waking up with regret from the previous night and setting new goals didn't really work out either.

So, here we are, 4 days into the New Year. Now I've had enough time to sit back and think. I've set some realistic goals for this year. 

1) Start a blog to keep up with my thoughts, achievements, let downs, and to just have a place to vent the randomness that enters into my mind at, sometimes, the most inopportune moments. I read blogs of my friends, and I always think "I could do that." Well, I could do that. So I'm doing it. :)

2) Lose weight, and keep it off. Last year I managed to lose, and keep off, 30 pounds without much effort. I can only imagine how amazing it will be when I actually try. I also have two awesome chicks doing it with me, Savannah and Grubbsy. Super looking forward to it!

3) Strive to do more, be more, care more, participate more. I kinda feel lazy... I'm going to spend this year doing more in general. Going for more hikes, spending more time with my husband, friends, and family, trying new things, and just "living my life". 

 I think those 3 are a great starting point. We'll see how this year progresses, but I'm excited to start. See you next time in Adventures in Shandiland.