Emotions

Wow. Today has been super emotional. Maybe it's the sleep deprivation.. I'm almost positive the hormones have something to do with it. Maybe it's just me being me, but whatever. Emotions are high today.

This is Peanut! He/she is snuggled down in my uterus where he/she should be. This has been the highlight of my day! Seeing my first child for the first time brought tears to my eyes and kept a smile on my face since. The ultrasound lady is so amazingly super nice! She was gentle, understanding, and she kept the lights low for privacy and comfort. Since it was an internal ultrasound, things were a little crazy anyway... If you don't know what an internal ultrasound is, well. Time to find out. The machine has a "wand" looking apparatus that has a cover that looks like a condom that goes over it to protect it. This goes inside the vagina to get an internal view, since some things can't be seen as easily from the outside. As soon as she started sliding this "wand" in, before she even got it in place, she said "I see a pregnancy in the uterus." I couldn't stop smiling. John asked a TON of questions like how did she know and what's that. She took the measurements and determined that today is 5 weeks, 5 days pregnant. She found a cyst on my left ovary, but said that with my history of cysts on my left ovary, she's not concerned. And it's not big, so you know. No biggie.

Next up was seeing the doctor. He caught me on my way out of the ultrasound room (when I thought I was still going home) and looked at the picture. I could tell by the look on his face that he loves his job. When setting up my appointment to see him, the desk clerk just sent me back to him since he didn't have many patients today due to weather and I was already there. We talked for a minute, then we did the dreaded annual pap smear because I'm overdue.. Bleh. John got to witness that also, which was HILARIOUS. I was stripping off my clothes, and he's getting all worried. It was cute, him asking if I preferred a female doctor down there. Well, babe, it's purely clinical, and if he's going to be the one to deliver, he's going to see it all anyway. And he's seen it before, because it's not my first visit with him.... But you're still super cute. So I had to explain what's about to go down and that this doctor is about to all kinds of feel me up. The doc tried to keep himself between me and John while doing the feeling the boobs thing, which was probably good. All in all that only took like, 5 minutes so no biggie.

Now I'm sitting here at home, hanging out. I cleared out the closet in the baby's room which was no small task mind you. I need to get the bookshelves moved out of there and put in my office, then I can start taping off and having John paint. He thinks we have plenty of time, and we do. But Peanut will be here before we know it, so I'm more concerned with getting things done NOW while I still feel like doing them. I think we'll start working on baby purchases super soon. Nothing big yet, but a pack or two of diapers a week starting now will make sure we are super stocked and isn't a bad thing. I mean, we're going to be using diapers, so you know. It also allows us to spread out purchases of certain things so we're not buying everything last minute. Plus, I need to get the room painted so my awesome mother in law can come do the mural she's wanting to do!

With all the highs today, I did have a pretty big low. I felt the rush of sadness over losing the one last summer all over again. We never even got to see that baby, or where it was. I'm glad this one is safe and sound, and I know going through that loss will only make me stronger, but sometimes I wish I didn't have to go through that loss. Loss is hard, ya'll. I think it's worse when it's your very first pregnancy. Oh well, things are different this round.

I can't wait for these next 34 weeks to go by! I am looking forward to holding Peanut in my arms!